~ Hello Loves,
I thought I’d try something different for the type of stuff that I usually post (basically there is no makeup in this post), I feel like having a kinda chatty post to let you guys know whats going on in my life at the moment and a glimpse inside my 20 year old mind. I’m currently sat at the desk of my studio flat in Cambridge (which is very tidy at the moment for me) consumed by thought about pretty much everything and anything, it’s just one of those days.
Over the past 2 years that I’ve spent at university I feel like I’ve become a completely different person to the quite naïve 18 year old that I was on my first day here, and I’m pretty pleased about that. The best way to describe what being at univeristy feels like to me is “it’s like being an adult with the stabalisers on”, and by that I mean that I have learnt to live independetly from my parents in a safe and controlled environment where I can still get help and support from them when I need it.
So when I moved back to university last friday for my third and final year it was a really odd feeling- like I’m not quite ready for this journey to end yet but hopefully by May I’ll feel more ready (here’s hoping anyway). Being a third year mean that I have to write my dissertation/thesis (a.k.a. the 10,000 words of doom that stikes fear into the heart of every university student) and then go out into the big wide world and get ‘a grown up job’ after graduation. Even just writing that sentence makes me want to cry and go live in a pillow fort with a colouring book, watch Disney movies and never grow up. But that’s life for ya. (people asking “so what are your plans for when you graduate?” all the time doesn’t help much either, as I honestly don’t know what I want to do with my life.)
During the course of the last week or so I have decided to embrace all of the changes that have been or are about to be coming my way instead of trying to run away from them, and since then my outlook towards life has been much more optimistic than it had been in the weeks prior, deciding that I needed to clear out my life as there is probably so much junk just laying about that I don’t even need or want anymore and is just there taking up space or reminding me of stuff that I don’t wanna be reminded of. And then I went kinda crazy with the whole ‘out with the old and in with the new’ thing by throwing out literally everything that I haven’t used in the past 6 months or just don’t like anymore, and I mean everything- clothes, shoes, bags, makeup, skincare stuff, books, jewellery (cheap fashion stuff ofc), stuff from old boyfriends and just general junk that was cluttering up my room that I had no reason for keeping a second longer than I already have.
And it was the most theraputic afternoon of my life.
(I then did exactly the same thing when I came back to my university flat and it was great.)
The satisfaction of walking into my room and it being so empty and clean was amazing. Not having to root around for the stuff I wanted anymore, or looking at stuff and thinking “why do I even still have that?” but yet never actually doing anything about it. The next morning when I woke up I still had that feeling of calm and happiness that I had the day before, and I remember thinking to myself “why didn’t I do this before?” and I honestly have no idea. Maybe I was trying to hang onto the person I was before? Or maybe I am just getting old and enjoy cleaning? Idk. I now finally have the space for stuff that I actually like and feels like a better reflection of who I am as a person now, rather than the person I was at 16 or 18 years old.
This post isn’t what I’d define as ‘finished’ but I’ve hit the wall of writers block, it’s been a long day for me as it’s the first day of the semester and investigative psychology isn’t exactly a ‘light’ topic for a monday morning lol.