Heartbreak is something we have ALL experienced and after the crying, screaming into your pillow and pulling yourself back together how can we make sure we never fall into that trap again?
Here’s the thing, we can take measures, we can put barriers up but to avoid heartbreak means avoiding falling in love again and that’s one life experience that everyone should experience even if it is for some people (like me!) over and over again. Every time you fall head over heels for someone, you learn a little more about yourself, things you’re willing to overlook in a relationship, your compassion and your understanding in letting someone new into your life.
I’ve had explosive heartbreaks, but also those sweet little heartbreaks where you both understand you just aren’t right for each other. I was once in a 3 year relationship with a guy who I was besotted with. He could do no wrong in my eyes, love was completely and utterly blind. We met through friends, he was dark haired, blue eyed gorgeousness and although he hung in different crowds of people to me, I fell and I fell hard. It took a while for me to mesh well with his family, my family were very private people who I didn’t feel certain conversations could be had with, his family were open, big and loud. Once I had adjusted, I fell in love with his family too, which in the end was one of the main reasons I stuck around so long. He was a very manipulative person, who over the years completely emotionally abused me into thinking I would never be able to find anyone if I was to leave him, I’d never amount to anything and he was doing me a favour being with me. Along with all this emotional abuse, the physical side of things began, from choking me to knocking me out cold I still couldn’t see how bad this guy was. My family desperately tried to show me the light, all the while trying to be supportive of my decisions. 3 years of putting up with the abuse, one night he went into one of his fits again. It was around bonfire night and we were walking home together, fireworks were surrounding us in the streets. I can’t remember what started the fight but something made him see red and after smashing all my belongings in the middle of the street as I was covered in tears, sitting on the rain paved road collecting the broken bits of my perfume bottle together something in me snapped. I finally saw what everyone else was desperately trying to show me. This broken girl, just like her broken perfume bottle.. a shadow of the confident, goal achieving girl who he met 3 years ago.
Heartbreak. It took me a long time to become normal after that, it took everything in me to not run back, to hold my head high and experience life without him. Do I regret it? No. Am I glad it happened? Yes. I learnt how strong I was, how independent I could be, just how wonderful life could be.
I’ve had smaller heartbreaks, which although have been quicker to overcome still hurt. A guy I was seeing for a few months was telling me everything I wanted to hear, keeping me sweet while he was sleeping with the rest of Manchester. I knew, I mean I had that gut feeling that ate away at me but when it was confirmed and he walked away it still felt like I had been punched in the stomach. What did I learn from this guy? To always follow my gut and confront it. I should of stood up for myself and not let someone walk all over me so carelessly and I won’t again. It didn’t affect how I’d trust my future relationships no matter how much at the time I felt I couldn’t trust again.
No matter how hard the heartbreak feels, how much you never want to fall again – each person is brought to you for a reason. Each relationship teaches you something new about yourself. What you can do however, is avoid that type of person again. You have all the warning signs there already. You’ve been through it.
Love like there is no tomorrow. Most people on their deathbeds regret not telling someone they love them, or not loving how they wanted to for fear of rejection, don’t let that be you. Jump in feet first, if it doesn’t work, dust yourself off and try again. Don’t let them steal your sunshine.
Inappropriate Agony Aunt – Your thoughts on heartbreak?
Completely wrong – it’s a numbers game. It’s all about ratios and percentages. You need a 5-1 ratio of hearts you break to her broken hearts and if it’s a particularly bad one, ratio increases to 10-1. It’s very similar to the mixture ratio of a 2 stroke outboard engine where the oil (being dumped) has to be counteracted by the fuel (dumping people). That way on a good day you maintain forward momentum of at least 40 hp…. And leave them all screaming in your wake.